Day 5: It's Hard Not to Be Mom

Preparing for this surgery I thought it would be like a vacation, 1 full week where Trent would take a week off work and take care of the kids and I would just lay in bed and do whatever I wanted! The first couple of days I was too drugged up to really notice what was going on, but the last couple of days it has hit me and lets face it its hard NOT to be mom. Everybody has been so helpful with the kids and doing things around the house and I am so grateful, but one thing I have learned is that I have a little OCD and sometimes it is really hard to accept help. My house isn't spotless by any means, but some well meaning and definitely appreciated helpers have done some laundry and folded it and put it away for me, but it has been folded wrong and put away in the wrong place and I am having a hard time laying around and watching it happen. I know, I know your saying take a chill pill Jen. And I am chilling because I honestly have no choice. I have obviously lost a lot of blood and my food intake is pathetic and so I have NO energy at all! This is how I will feel when I am 95 years old, holding on to the walls and other people to get down the hall to my bed. But don't get me wrong I am very grateful it is just again very hard to not be able to do things. Another thing that is apparent that I am no longer able to be the mom is that my children are being dressed in all sorts of outfits. Adalynn went to school in her pajama top and Lily's pants. I think she had her own shoes on though. Gotta love Dads and Grandmas!

But all that is nothing compared to loving your children. We had to pay out of pocket for this surgery and so I have to be extra careful that nobody bumps my face and messes anything up before it is healed because we obviously could not afford another surgery. So this means that I am unable to hug and comfort my children. And this is killing me : ( I have to lay in bed all day and when I hear my children cry or get hurt or its time for them to go to bed I can't even give them a hug and a kiss. Now I know you other moms will understand my torture and non moms will probably think I am being a baby. Which I already know that I am and being the baby that I am I tend to cry a lot so during my little feeling sorry for myself cry last night (I would not recommend crying when ones mouth is banded together and most of the bones in your face are broken because it is VERY painful!) one of my bands broke! So just to add even more complaining into this post I have since then been in the MOST pain in my entire life! My muscles are spasming and I feel so much pressure on my face and of course crying just makes it worse so Trent just gave me some pain medicine and hopefully I can fall asleep and wake up in a better mood and be able to take some day 5 pictures because my face and neck is really starting to look flattering now since the bruising is showing up! Stay tuned.